But they feel it too!

It’s about recognizing that not everyone else can feel or even see something and certainly not what you see, feel or recognize.

Can’t they? But they have to …

There is a big and – if it remains unrecognized, fatal – misunderstanding here.

An example from practice:

A typical work situation. Office, small team. Rita and her colleagues and a team leader. A team leader who made a career out of just being there. Not really someone who wants to lead. More like someone who lets it go. Who doesn’t look so closely. Who wants his peace and quiet. It works somehow.

Rita is quite conscientious and wants to do her job well. The rest of the team too. There is only one, Thomas, with whom something is wrong. He can manipulate well and he does.

His tasks somehow always miraculously end up with his colleagues while he is busy making a good impression. It’s only a matter of time before he becomes team leader. Always looks to the outside world as if he’s the one keeping the team going.

Anyone who doesn’t play his game will feel what real bullying means. Not obviously, no, Thomas can do it at the back. That nobody realizes that this is him.

Rita is almost desperate. Not because of the situation itself, but because she has to watch all her colleagues play his game. Although it is so obvious. No one resists. Neither her colleagues, nor the current team leader, nor the levels above seem to want to see what a manipulative ass Thomas is.

Even the colleagues who suffer massively under him pretend to the outside world that they don’t know who is responsible.

Rita is almost going crazy. Neither a conversation with Thomas, nor with the team leader, nor with other confidants in the company will help. Nobody responds to their arguments, everyone just looks at them stupidly. As if the problem didn’t even exist. They don’t want to look, but why?

Rita begins to doubt herself. Does she see ghosts? Is she mistaken? Is she going senile? What is the problem? Eventually she falls ill and withdraws. “Burnout” is the diagnosis.

Is Rita really senile?

No. It is not. She correctly sensed what was wrong and why. But she assumed that everyone else could feel it too. Because it was so obvious. For Rita.

And that’s exactly where the misunderstanding lies! The others can’t do that. They didn’t ignore the problem, they couldn’t see it. Because they didn’t have the ability to do so. Rita does. Probably even Thomas doesn’t realize what he’s doing. Or at least not what he does with it. He can’t feel it.

No one ever told her that not everyone is able to see and feel. Not everyone is empathetic, not everyone recognizes connections. Few people can do this as clearly as Rita.

No one ever told her that!

Another example:

Frank is 12 years old and lives in a small town with his sister, who is 3 years older, and his mother. The father is no longer there. He left years ago because he is evil. His mother always says “narcissist”, but Frank has no idea what that means.

Frank is one too. Says his mother. Frank also seems to be evil. His mother and sister say the same. They say it to him every day and they let him feel it. He is also to blame for the father leaving. He should have gone with him, but his father didn’t want him to.

He neither questions his own evilness nor the behavior of his mother and sister. Because it’s obviously the right thing to do, at least that’s what his environment confirms. He has a few uncles and aunts, but they don’t see anything unusual about his situation and everyone at school also takes the facts for granted. It is not directly addressed that he is evil. But everyone seems to see it that way.

And when he tries to speak to someone, he is ignored. As if the issue wasn’t there. Perhaps it is not. Frank no longer thinks about it. He tries to make himself small, not to stand out.

Deep down, he senses that something is wrong. Something doesn’t add up. He feels something different than his reality shows him. But he buried this feeling, hid it. He used to let it out once and regretted it bitterly. Something is wrong with him. He prefers not to think about it. Makes himself small. Hiding.

Only in his mid-30s, after his first major breakdown, did he begin to understand. Who is evil in the game and who is not … after a long ordeal, he begins to realize that he felt right. He now has contact with his father again. Not a narcissist. But the mother. But nobody recognized that. Probably not even the mother herself. And the sister even less so.

He realizes that he had felt correctly at the time, but that he was not deliberately ignored, but that those around him could not feel what he could feel. They simply didn’t recognize it, didn’t see it. Because they couldn’t. That was too subtle for them. But nobody told him that for a long time! That the people out there usually can’t feel what’s happening. That they can’t see how things are connected, what the consequences of certain behaviors are.

Not because they don’t want to. Because they can’t!

That makes a big difference. A really big one!

What do you do now with this knowledge?

Now you’ve read this article up to this point and maybe you’ve screamed “yay” twice. In this case, you are probably one of those people who feel more, see more and often recognize more than everyone else.

And it dawns on you why you so often hit a brick wall. Running into the wall so often. So often standing in front of a herd of sheep staring stupidly because of the clearest statements. Nothing against sheep … the real ones are far more intelligent than many people. But do you understand what I’m trying to say?

Just because everyone else is looking at you stupidly doesn’t mean that you’re not still right. Because it’s quite likely that you actually see more than they do. And thus recognize more and can also sometimes look into the future. Simply because you recognize the connections.

The herd can’t do that and perhaps doesn’t need to. Everyone can decide for themselves how they want to live. But YOU decide whether or not to stay with such people.
This is both a curse and a blessing

It’s a curse because you’re often all alone and even when your predictions come true, you never get the credit for them. You are always the one with the bad news and you are always hanged! Symbolically at least.

Sometimes you even have to watch people, families and entire countries ruin themselves. You see the connections, you know where this will lead, but they laugh at you, even fight you. You watch the people you love destroy themselves and can’t do a thing about it. That’s tough. It’s like a curse. Sometimes you have to walk away and accept it as it is. For the others. Not for you.

It is a blessing because you can position yourself in the world in such a way that you have an advantage. Of course, this is only possible if you know and trust your own ability and if you have gained the security in life that you have always lacked.

And if you manage to walk alone at times, leave the gawking sheep where they want to stand. Going in a completely different direction to the rest of the herd. But in return you will get further in life and if you live this consistently, you will find a whole new herd. One that is similar to you, where you are understood and appreciated. Maybe you will even lead them.

Someone just had to tell you that.

Problem and solution

As in many cases, the problem seems to come from outside, but the solution lies within you. It is not always easy to implement. Sometimes you have to realize that the people you loved the most are actually evil or running in the wrong direction. Have at least behaved badly towards you or harmed you and/or themselves.

Sometimes you have to let go of them, perhaps you have to let go of a lot of things that you were fighting hard for just a short time before. But as soon as you have realized that your feeling, your seeing, your recognizing is right, you also begin to go your own way. There’s no other way around it. And it will be a clear path.

This process of realization takes time and nobody has to go through it alone. The important thing is to accept the path and take the first step. Even if the path is not yet visible. It is created by you walking it!

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